Bleh

Its half one and im up and typing on this blog again. I'm tired and should be sleeping. I'm not sure why im not. I'm at my brothers house somewhere I feel safe so I dont know what the problem is. I feel like im falling apart. I'm ment to be happy... I act it... But why at time in the night dont I feel it.

Isobelle is screaming to be let out. All I hear is "your not strong enough, let me out... let me play.. let me hurt and make things ok."

I'm not sure If I'm scared of letting her out or what will happen. The biggest thing on my mind at the moment is my weight. I'm over weight... drastically. I'm not very well and I need to get better. I just dont know how to get better. I'm not sure I want too.

If im thin, will people like me for who I am? or just because I'm skinny? I see it all the time at work. Girls just being liked cus they are thin. Not because they are funny or clever.

I'm depressed

Its christmas food everywhere

I have NO self controle at all.

I'm depressed, I eat.

Oh I have a great complection, infact I get comments on it regually, I have a pretty face.

but I quote "you must eat alot to keep that weight" heard that today at work.

yesterday "fuck of you fat cow" from my supervisor.

I hate who I am. "but your a lovely person" well fuck that.

I'm lost and so alone,
should I just let go
run away from this pain?

I'm not sure I can stand against
all this again.