Top left : after slushpuppys red and blue tongues
top right: rich in my dress bouncing
leeft: rich baywatch running.
Its been over a month since I last entered anything in here.
I suppose i should start that the top. I went to Richards...
It was realyl wonderful until I found out that he had been cybering and webcaming sexually with some girl. This had been going on LONG before I knew him the problem was that it didnt stop.
It really hurt me, it was like Sebastiaan all over again. This is how i found out.
I was at his and he logged on to msn he saw him block someone and asked, who and why. He told me that it was just some random girl that always talked to him aobut sex. A few hours later he had to go to the shops so i was left at his on my own. I was curiouse cus I know Rich talks about sex all the time and i wanted to know what he thought was weired enough to block someone over. So I found the chat logs. My heart broke as soon as I stareted reading them. It was graphic and hurt me even more so when I found out that they have been doing it over webcam. I started looking at the dates and realised that it was either when I was at work or out somewhere.
The two things that hurt me the most where
"I want to fuck you even if I am with someone else"
and
"I love you too"
I waited in the hallway until he got home with the above highlighted as i felt numb. He came home and I told him to go look at the computer and he went white and didnt know what to do. The next few hours were a blure. I went and layyed on the trampolien and he was in his room i knew he was upset and i kept catching him looking out at me thinking I couldnt see him. He looked so fucking cute.
We talked about it eventually and he cried I knew he was sorry and that it wouldnt happen again.
The rest of the week at his was amazing, i havent laughted so much in all my life.
He then came back to my house for 2 weeks while i was working. he got to play on wow alot and I got to comehome to someone. I do miss him already.
But since he has gone things have gotten alittle tence. He isnt sleeping well and trying to stay up for me, its proberly me but things arent how they were. I'm happy but Im tired of getting told of when he is playing wow. Im tired of being called stupid or made out like I am.
I met our Guild Master last week, Really nice guy. Get on with him quite well. He has a crush on me. Well having spud have a crush on me has made me realises that othr guys are attracted to me... and well.. To be honest Im being tempted by about 5 diffent guys.
Mainly: Barry and Seb.
Last night I tried to brake up with Richard. At the time it felt like the right thing to do, I dont want to hurt him by doing what Im more than likely gonna do. I wanted to protect him. So I told him its over.
He calls me and uses the voice on me. I melt. He is my Master I would do anything for him.
I'm I dunno. =/
Im also looking to move house. Me and bob are gonna move in togehter hopefully intime for my birthday. As I want to have a party ^_^
